A little girl was born into the world. A world with some joys but many monsters. In her younger years she was oblivious to the monsters for they all looked the same. She packed her bag and went on a journey. She did not even want to go on the journey but was pushed out the door. She meet an older women who shared the good news of this loving God who died so she could be saved. She decided to believe in this God without really knowing much about him. Her journey continued and she learned more and more about the world and about her God. She had so many questions and so many things she was confused about but she kept walking even though she was partially blind. She kept struggling, kept falling, kept having people shove her down and wound her. But she endured it through God strength. She came to a place in her journey that she thought was safe. Finally she thought to herself. I have found a place to rest, I have found a place of refuge. But this safe place had hidden monsters. She was blind and she let them into her refuge. They destroyed it and took all she had. She shattered to a million pieces and was no more. She died inside but she remained faithful to her God, her savior and the hope of eternity with him. She could not move forward on her journey because she no longer had the ability. So God sent a helping hand, then another, then another and they started collecting the broken pieces and gluing them back together. Then God brought a Shepard dog to protect the broken girl so that the monsters would no longer be able to harm her. He has suffered wounds himself but he is now her eyes and her his. The broken girl is still broken but her new self in Christ is alive and well within her. She cannot walk alone so the Good Shepard and Shepard dog carry her so that the journey can continue. So that others may know of this one true God who came to save them.
A Battle No One Sees
The broken girl stares at the Bible page, seeing but not reading. People talk to her, it is background noise, she hears but does not listen. She is inside herself, at peace but yet at war with an enemy no one else sees. An enemy no one even knows exists. Who is the enemy? Her own mind, it has been broken so many times that it itself is the battlefield. How did this girl come to be? How is this possible? Why does no one even notice? Why would they, they are to busy with there own lives, their own problems. They just care about themselves. Jesus is furious, he yells inside the girl, keep your eyes ONLY on me. Do not look away, ONLY look at me. The girl obeys for what other option does she have. The others watch her leave oblivious to anything and everything. For they are to focused on themselves to even acknowledge the miracle right in front of them. Who is in your life that you are missing because you are so focus on yourself? What are you going to do about it? Everything starts with prayer.
Who is she?
The broken girl stares into the mirror. Who is this person? This is not who I am supposed to be? Who did Christ make me to be? So she changes, she becomes new again. Then she breaks, again. Shattered. She is back at the mirror. Who is this person? This is not me. So she changes, again. The cycle continues. How many times? Who knows. Each time she breaks, she is made anew. Yet now she has to many selves to count. Now she is no one but everyone. She is Christ’s but otherwise she is just broken. Why did she break in the first place? She is broken due to the sin of man. This is the ugly truth she sees in the mirror covering the beauty of Christ creation beneath.
The Broken Girl
The broken girl looks at her hands. They are covered in dirt. She looks at her feet, they too are covered in dirt. What could she possibly do with these dirty hands and feet? What if everything she touches shatters just like her? What could she possibly do as a broken child of God? She asks a man what could I do for God? He looks her in the eye and says we cannot use a broken, dirty girl. She walks away discouraged for he affirmed what she already believed. But God tells the broken girl I can use you, for my glory will be seen through your brokenness. She looks to Jesus in hope until she comes across another man. Mr. Man what can I do for God? He looks at her puzzled, you need to be healthy, you need to be made anew. The broken girls walks away with tears in her eyes, I thought Jesus said I am healthy and made anew. I just have a broken body. Jesus takes the broken girl, he holds her dirty hands and says, “man sees what mans sees but I see all, know all and I have the authority of all. Follow me and stop asking men for advice. My advice is all you need.” The dirty broken girl stands up and starts to walk. She will follow this Jesus.
The broken girl stares at the Mr Man. Has he repented for what he did to her? Has he changed? She is so afraid she will break again. She is so afraid to trust. For what has he done to earn her trust? Small things yes, she can see he has changed but how much? Is it enough? But she wants restoration. Is restoration possible in this life time or will the memories always cause separation? Has she truly forgiven? Is it her own sin that is not allowing restoration? She tries, the Mr Man maybe tries but maybe the fear and mistrust she has is for a reason. Maybe separation is what is needed in this time for God to do his work of restoration? Maybe this is the consequence of his actions. Where is Jesus in this? The broken girl wears his words and promises as her protection but she does not feel like Jesus is the center. If Jesus is not the center how is restoration possible? It isn’t. She has decided. If Jesus is not the center she will walk away. She will leave this invisible prison and hope of a future. She will walk with Christ and not look back. Is restoration possible? Anything is possible with God at the center.
Release #6 Broken Girl Series
The Good Shepard and Shepard Dog
The broken girl walks away from Mr Man. But she is to broken to make more than a step. She yearns to go to the Good Shepard. She yearns to run with him. But she just keeps falling. The broken girl sits on the ground to weak to stand. To weak to walk. The Good Shepard takes pity on the broken girl for he knows her desires. He knows her heart. So he brings to her the Shepard dog. He is patient, gentle and loving. He snuggles up agains the broken girl not afraid of her dirtiness. He does not care that she is broken, no he wants to be hers. He wants to protect her. He was to help her. He want to follow the Good Shepard with her. Maybe together they will be able to stand. Maybe together they will learn to walk. Maybe together they will eventually run.
Release #7 of Broken Girl Series. The story continues….
While I’m Waiting
The broken girl remembers her past. She remembers the darkest of times. She remembers the thoughts that used to plague her. It is now a memory. She remembers herself when she was at her limit…..
She cannot handle the brokenness of this world. She wants an escape but there is none. She is stuck. She reads her bible. She reads John 14. Again. How many time now. She reads about the promises of Jesus. She wants this NOW. But she is just stuck. She cannot stand it anymore. She will take her own life. Jesus meets with her. She feels his presence, his gentleness and the hope he brings. Jesus tells her, “No my child. That is not the way. I am the way. It is not your time to come to me my child. I have work for you to do.” The Broken Girl decides to follow Jesus. She will live. She will serve. She will love. She will worship. She is far from perfect but she will keep trying. She will wait on Jesus. May he provide the means to do so…….
She looks back on this memory and is reminded how Jesus always had provided the means. Whether it was bringing her a cousin, a friend, a doctor, a hospital, a medicine or a husband. He has always provided a way out. This is his promise while she waits. While she waits on the promised land she will remember that when things get to hard. When she is at her limit. Jesus will always open a door. Jesus will always provide an escape. Life is hard. Sometime unfair. This is reality. But Jesus will always provide an escape. For her destination is with him. She will serve. She will love. She will worship. She will wait. She has not always recognized the escape at the time but in retrospect the broken girl sees that Jesus’s hand has never left her.
Release #8 of the Broken Girl Series….
The Fork in the Road
The broken girl and Shepard dog start to walk together. They come to a fork in the road. The Broken Girl wants to take a left for this has been her dream. This is her heart’s desire. But the Shepard dog does not like the path to the left. He wants to stay on the path to the right. They have to make a decision. Will they part or will they stay together? Which path will they take? The Shepard dog leads the broken girl to the right. She follows a little reluctantly but after she gets moving there is no turning back. The Shepard dog gets hit by a bullet. He goes down. He is now injured. The broken girl will stand with him. She will nurse him back to health. She tries her very best and others come to help. These others heal him and retrain the Shepard dog but the broken girl is crumbling at the edges. She has been glued together but the stress is to much. She is Shattering. Again. But this time the Shepard dog helps carry the load. He does not allow her to shatter completely. No. He holds her while others repair the broken pieces. Now they are stronger than ever before. Now they are a team.
Release #9 of the Broken Girl Series
The Shepard dog holds the broken girl. Others work diligently to glue the crumbling pieces back together and keep her from shattering. There is an earth quake. The Broken Girl is already at her limit. When the earth quake hits she is not prepared. She losses herself, shattered. The helpers go to work. This time they already have the plans they need to remake her. For this is not the first time. The process is smoother and they know which glue to use. The Broken Girl is angry at her Brokenness. She is both terrified and angry at the monsters who did this to her. The Shepard dog is angry to. They make a decision. They cannot fight all he monsters but they can fight one. They can try to protect others and prevent this from happening to someone else. This is there task. As a team they will fight. The battle begins. Jesus places his hands on them as a team. The winds come, the earth trembles, the waters flood but they will not be shaken.
Release #10 of Broken Girl Series
The Broken Girl pauses from her battle with the monster. She thinks back over the events in her life. She contemplates the decisions she has made. Some good. Some bad. Some she does not know what to think. Was she following God? She thought she was but then why did she meet the monsters. She remembers a time in her past she prayed for God’s wisdom. His guidance. She felt like he was saying “I have something else for you.” She obeyed. She stopped what she was doing to do something else. But that lead her down the path to a monster. The Broken Girl wonders if she made a mistake. Did she hear God wrong? But if she heard correct then God sent her down the path to a monster. Why God? Why would he do this? Why did he not protect her from the monster? She is angry at God! Why me!!!!! She only hears silence. She does not have the answers but maybe just maybe God sent her down the path with the monster so that she could fight him. Maybe God sent her into battle because someone has to do it. She told God she was willing. She told God she would follow him. Maybe this is her cross to bear. The Broken Girl accepts her cross. Reluctantly but all the same. She looks to the heavens and asks God “not my will but yours. May your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.” She clings to the Shepard dog for support. They will march to battle. May God show them how to fight in a way that is glorifying to Jesus.
Release #11 of the Broken Girl Series
How to Win A Losing Battle
The broken girl and Shepard dog work diligently to fight the monster. But they only seem to be losing. Why are we losing God? Why can we not win? The broken girl and Shepard dog kneel and bow before their Heavenly Father. The broken girl cries to her Heavenly Father. I have done all I can. I have fought the good fight. I have tried to glorify you and honor you. But there is nothing else I can do other than pray. Pray that your will would be done. Pray that the monster would be transformed into a Shepard dog. Pray that you would protect others from the monsters. Pray that you would restore. The broken girl is reminded that this world only really has one monster, it is the fight between Good and evil, God and Satan/Sin. Maybe just maybe the broken girl feels like she is losing this battle because God is changing the monster into a Shepard dog. Maybe restoration is possible. She will give the control to God. She will let him fight for her for this is the only option at this time.
Release #12 of the Broken Girl Series
The Broken Girl thinks about her journey. She remembers the time after she left the monster, before she meet her Shepard dog. God lead her to a group of to be healers. At the time she did not know why she was there but in retrospect she sees how God brought her there for healing. She needed a team of people to glue her broken pieces back together. God was providing for her just like he always does. Although God lead her to the healers and a group to be her prayer warriors the people who were supposed to fight on her behalf ran. Instead of standing up for her they turned away. God intended for them to be Shepard Dogs who protected and fought the monster for the broken girl. The Broken Girl used to be angry at God for not fighting on her behalf but now she sees that he lead her to a whole group of fighters who ran and hide rather than standing up for her. Instead of being the Shepard dogs God called them to be they were cowards. They failed her. The Broken Girl is reminded that God never fails but people often will. May God have grace and forgiveness for her own weakness and theirs. She is thankful for her perfectly imperfect Shepard dog who may make mistakes but is humble enough to admit his wrongs, repent and make amends. Furthermore he is brave to stand up to the monsters on her behalf. The broken girl looks to the heavens and prays that God would transform these cowardly people into Shepard dogs. May they stand and fight rather than running away. May they have the wisdom and discernment to know what God is calling them to do.
The Broken Girl Series #13
The broken girl thinks about her birth mother. She remembers many of the good times. She remembers the bad times. Her mother always loved her very much. She tried her hardest but both of their brokenness often got in the way. They never seemed to be able to communicate. The broken girl can relate to her mother in many ways. She understands. Yet she still feels angry at her for her misguided decisions that hurt her. She still feels angry that her mother won’t change. She won’t work to have her broken pieces put back together again. Her mother seems to like living in brokenness. She won’t try to learn a new different, better way. This is why the Broken Girl feels like she cannot face her mother. She always feels like she is being pulled backward by her brokenness rather than walking forward to what God has for her and her Shepard dog. The broken girl misses her mother, she loves her mother, she wishes her mother to be healed but she also knows she cannot go back. For going back would only break her again. The Broken Girl wants healing for them both. This is her prayer. Maybe one day they will stand before one another whole again.
Broken Girl Series Release #14
What is the Plan?
The broken girl looks at her perfectly imperfect Shepard dog. She things about his story. His journey. He has had his own adventure. She asks the Shepard dog if he is ok with her telling his story. He nodes in approval. For his story is now her story and vice versa. The are a unit. They are a team. They are one body. But it has not always felt this way. The broken girl and the Shepard dog have worked diligently together to build a foundation. The foundation seem to be finally hardening. It is founded on the grace, love and the promise of Jesus. It is almost time to start building but they do not have a full grasp on the plans. The broken girl has drafted her plan and the Shepard dog has drafted his plan but what is God’s plan? You cannot build a house without a blueprint. The broken girl hands her plans to the Shepard dog. The Shepard dog hands his plans to God. They bow there heads and wait patiently to receive the blueprint God has designed for their house. They give themselves to the lord for he is there master. They trust him for he alone is trustworthy.
The Broken Girl Series Release #15
The Shepard Dog’s Story
A new young creation was born into the world. He was born in a far off land that had many monsters of it’s own. Furthermore few had ever heard of the truth so many monsters just roamed wild. At a very tender age he heard the truth about the Good Shepard called Jesus. He eagerly accepted not realizing he was now very vulnerable in a pit of monsters. He was forced to live among them and he did a mighty good job of telling the monsters about this Good Shepard. Many thought of him as the cheerful story teller because he was always telling the stories of the truth. God did a mighty work in him, protecting him from a young age and blessing him immensely. But he did not come out completely unscathed. Much like the broken girl, hidden monsters crept up on him, he was blind and he invited them into his safe place. They took up root and it was not until many years later that the broken girl pointed out to him this invader. The invader was messing with there marriage and causing him to fall. The invader set up shop contaminating the Shepard dog. It made him weak, it took his innocence and made him sick. The Broken Girl was unable to fight the invader by herself so she took him to the healers to be healed. They were very skilled and well versed with fighting this type of invader. The Shepard dog did his part and worked diligently with these healers. They had to strip him naked, they had to remove all his armor but the end result was beautiful for the invader was forced to leave. Next he needed a new set of armor.
The Broken Girl Series Release #16
A False Hope
The Shepard dog took a journey from his far off land. His whole life he dreamed of this place called America. It held a promise of a future he could never dream of in his homeland. He worked diligently to make it to this special place then finally he stepped off the plane to enter AMERICA. The land of hope and promise. It was not long before he meet the Broken girl. She smiled at him and he at her. Wow he thought, maybe she will be mine? It was not long before he was asking this broken girl to marry him. She said yes with excitement. The broken girl and the Shepard dog joined hands in unity. But the Broken Girl wanted to serve the Good Shepard back in a far of land. The Shepard dog’s eyes were drawn to the glamour, wealth and abundant life of this America. But the broken girl had seen that gleam in others eyes before. She new it would never satisfy. She new it was not from the Good Shepard. Having been joined in marriage they started a tug a war game. The broken girl tugging in one direction be Shepard dog tugging in another. Who will win the war?
The Broken Girl Series Release #17
The Tug A War Dance
The Shepard dog pulls to the left. The Broken Girl pulls to the right. They are doing a tug a war dance. The broken girl is frustrated so she takes a break from her tugging but her stubbornness will never let her give in. She prays to the good Shepard, “Good Shepard, I do not understand why my Shepard dog won’t follow you like I think he should. He wants something different than we discussed. What do I do?” The Good Shepard takes pity on the broken girl. I know my child. You just rest for awhile. Stop fighting him. Just let him lead you and I’ll take care of the plans. The Broken Girl obeys. She stops the tug a war game. She follows her Shepard dog. But the Good Shepard always makes good on his promises, she will have to work on following him, serving him, being more patient and loving. The Shepard dog is now in the hands of the Good Shepard. The broken girl will learn to rest while the Shepard Dog goes to work. He will be climbing mountains while the broken girl heals.
Broken Girl Series Release #18
The broken girl has stopped the tug a war dance with her Shepard dog but she never stops praying. The Shepard dog has to walk through deep waters, mud and snow. At first the Broken Girl helps him but eventually she gets to weak to continue. She cannot keep up. But they cannot stop for they do not have a place of refuge. They have to make it through the mountains and the Shepard dog cannot leave the broken girl behind. The Shepard dog will have to carry the broken girl as he goes through the rough terrain. The broken girl decides to take advantage of this time with him. While she is being carried on his back she starts to teach him lessons about the Good Shepard. They both enjoy this time of learning and conversation. One day they decide to talk about what it looks like to follow the Good Shepard. The broken girl says that it means we accept any path he gives us. The Shepard dog does not like this. He is only willing to take certain paths he deems worthy. The broken girl is not ok with this thinking for this is the route of all sin. For several days they argue back and forth. Finally on the 3rd day the Shepard dog stops walking. He tells the Broken Girl he wants to accept God’s plan and path for their lives but he does not know how. They decide to pray. They kneel down together and heads bowed he starts to pray to the Good Shepard. They feel his presence and the Shepard dog is set free. They continue there walking. Each day the Shepard dog works on his submission to the Good Shepard and the broken girl continue to teach him while he carries her.
The Shepard dog has made a plan for getting through the mountains. The broken girl can see that the wheels are turning in his head but she does not know what he is planing. She does not like the unknown, she does not fully trust the Shepard dog for so many have failed her in the past. How does she follow him if she does not trust him? How does he trust that she will support him when he decides to lead? They let these doubts and ideas swim in there heads instead of communicating them with each other. One night while resting next to the camp fire the broken girl asks the Shepard dog, “what are you not telling me?” He looks at her shocked, “how can you tell?” She tells him, “I can tell based on your body language.” He starts to talk. He shares his plans with the broken girl. She listens, she gives critique and feedback. They discuss, contemplate and pray. The broken girl shares her desires and wishes. The Shepard dog takes them into consideration. In the end they have a tentative plan of action. It is not the plan the Shepard dog would have drafted by himself and it is not the plan the broken girl would have drafted by herself. No it is a plan with a little of his and a little of hers. The Shepard dog makes a commitment to communicate better with the broken girl and the broken girl makes a commitment to allow him to lead. They fall asleep by the campfire. Time to rest before the next days climb.