I try to be a honest person. I have not always been this way. I used to lie, omit and stretch the truth as a form of protection. It was a way of hiding. I have grown as a person to the point that I do not even care anymore. I would rather be brutally honest and rejected then have to work my ass off to please others. It has been very liberating. It has also been through the support of others that I have been able to do this. For I needed people in my life that would stand by me no matter my failings, faults or not so nice sides of myself.
One of those not so nice sides of myself has been my hatred, distrust and repulsion of men. I have struggled with seeing men as evil. Furthermore I wrestled with God how to interact with men, protect myself but also work with them. Similarly I had the desire to be wanted by men. Oh the complexity of my little mind. Men confused me, scared me and well, they were not all that nice to me.
I have gone through extensive therapy which has been helpful in many ways. I would say it has been essential. But I still think Jesus has been the biggest life changer in terms of me learning to deal with my feelings towards men and practically how to deal with them. I’m still working on this area. It is still something I am trying to figure out. But I have come a long way.
What has helped me the most is trying to see Jesus inside of men. Instead of seeing them as these evil creatures I try to see them as humans with weaknesses and faults but also vessels of the Holy Spirit. I have had to learn to be aware of there faults but also aware of there strengths. I may never fully trust men. I think that is ok because let’s be honest, they are not always trustworthy. But they do have the capacity to act as Jesus’s hands, feet and voice in this world. I may not love men but I do love the Jesus within men. When I turn my focus to seeing Jesus inside them they become a little less scary and a little more easy to interact with.
Not everyone struggles with men but I think everyone struggles with interacting with someone. Who do you struggle to interact with? Who do you see in a negative light? Have you tried to fall in love with Jesus inside them? If not maybe you should try.