Understanding

The other day my husband decided to try to surprise me. He prepared all of the things, spent money, time, effort to build this surprise for me. He came to surprise me and I was already in bed. I was half asleep. He tried to get me up to offer his surprise but I was not having it. I did not feel well and I did not need a surprise. I needed him to come rest and snuggle with me. My husbands intention was to do something nice for me but he did not realize what I needed was not a surprise but quite the opposite. This is a common occurrence in our early marriage. After many many failed attempts to surprise me he stopped planning anything. For I always ruined his plans so why plan. Unfortunately this is one of the effects of my condition that I cannot control. My husband has had to learn to work around my moods and health rather than me working around his plans. This has been frustrating for the both of us but it also humbling. For we are in control of few things but God is control of it all.

It would be easy for my husband to be angry at me for ruining all his hard work. It would be easy for him to just think I do not care. Or say that I must not love him since I seem uninterested a lot of the time. Similarly it would be easy for me to be angry at him for him pushing me. For not realizing what he was doing was causing me harm when that was not the intention. We all experience this in life. My husband and I maybe more than most couples but we all run into similar situations.

What someone meant as good ends up bad. As a doctor I have seen this with patients. We sometime think we are giving the best treatment but then it makes things worse. We are human. We make mistakes. Sometimes something that was meant for good turns out bad. It is easy to become angry, resentful and frustrated. It is human nature to have this reaction. In most cases this is the result. Something I learned from being a doctor is how to admit to patients you made a mistake.

They have actually done studies looking at which doctors get sued and which do not. For all doctors make mistakes. The doctors that do not get sued are the ones that meet with the patient, explain what happened and apologize. This type of meeting, explanation and apology does more than just prevent the doctor from being sued. It gives the patient an opportunity to work through there anger, frustration and find closure to the mistake. It allows the patient to accept what has happen with a greater understanding of why what happened happened. It allows closure.

This is true of all relationships in our life. No relationship is perfect. But the one true sign of a healthy relationship is one where people admit mistakes. They talk about things. They apologize. They make amends. This is what is beautiful about relationships. They make us better people. They prepare our hearts for meeting Christ. They sanctify us and purify us. But in order for this process to occur people have to be open, honest and willing to listen. Willing to show forgiveness and compassion. Otherwise people never experience healing.

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