As a follow up to my last post about vulnerability and safe people/places I would like to talk about how to identify safe people and places. I am far from an expert on this topic but here is what I came up with based on my experiences. There are certain qualities a safe person and safe place should have in order to facilitate healing and allow us to safely be vulnerable about ourselves. These are the things I look for to identify safe people and places.
Qualities of Safety:
Empathy
No judgement
Boundaries
Confidentiality
Trust
Training or gifting
Respect
Leads to hope and peace
Good listener
Encourages healthy relationships
Facilitates and encourages pursuing professional serves (legal services, doctors, counselors)
The person has sound oversight/accountability
Similarly there are certain qualities or red flags that we need to train ourselves to recognize to protect ourselves from unsafe people and places. Again I do not think this exhaustive. Rather this is based on my experiences.
Red flags:
Manipulation
Physical boundaries not respected
Causes shame or worthlessness
Forceful
Discourages healthy relationships
Leads to isolation
Discourages professional services such as legal system, doctors and counselors
Causes confusion and sense of being lost
Cause the feeling of being stuck
Person/place without accountability or oversight
When you encounter somewhere that does not seem safe. A place you sense a red flag we should be careful about opening up the vulnerable sides of ourselves. These are the places we should be putting on our armor. That being said every soldier, every person needs a place to take off there armor, rest and be vulnerable. Let’s work to creat these safe people and places for others. Let’s work to be this safe person and place for our spouse and children. Amen.
