The Closed Door

Has anyone ever had a door slammed in your face? I have had many, many doors closed right in front of me. For me I have 3 kinds of reactions when a door gets closed, 1. Anger, 2. A broken heart, 3. The question “what did I do wrong.” Sometimes I experience all of the above. For me I tend to get attached to things. So when this attachment is suddenly cut I can find it challenging to deal with emotionally. This has improved through the years but when doors get closed it still stings.

One of the questions people have asked me is how do I know if I am following God? For Jesus has never given me a road map with blinking signs that say this way. Similar I have never heard a big booming voice giving me directions. Rather it is a still quiet voice that tugs you in a direction. Life in our modern world can be hectic and far from simple. This makes hearing that still small quiet voice challenging. Furthermore we are often being pulled in a million directions at once and trying to figure out which one is the right direction. It seems to me that the older I get the more directions I am pulled.

For me I also struggle with anxiety and fear of making the wrong choice so I have a tendency to just stand still or run. This is also bad because we all need to be moving forward even if it is a slow movement. There are a couple of things I have done to help me with this problem. The first thing is the prayer, “Lord would you make my hearts desire what you desire for me.” I have found that this not only gives me peace but a reassurance that my desires will help lead me to the correct door. The second is the prayer, “Lord if this be your will would you open the door and if it not be your will would you close it.” This prayer also gives me a sense of peace because it allows me to have confidence that God is directing my life. This does not mean I feel happy when a door is suddenly closed but it gives me a reassurance that the door was either the wrong door or the wrong time.

Over the last several years I have had way more closed doors than open. It has been frustrating but God has been teaching me how to be patient in prayer and content with my present. I am also learning something new that I had not realized before. That sometimes God opens a door for you to get a glimpse inside so that you can better pray for a situation but that he does not want you physically to walk through the door. For we all have our gifts and strengths as well as weaknesses. So I am learning that God has a reason for opening doors and closing doors. None of it is a mistake. For me, I have to learning to guard my heart from becoming to attached so that I can more easily be lead by Jesus.

For this reason, since the day we heard about you,we have not stopped praying for you. We continually ask God to fill you with the knowledge of his willthrough all the wisdom and understanding that the Spirit gives, so that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and giving joyful thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of his holy people in the kingdom of light. For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.” Colossians 1:9-14

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